Why I Was Scared of Being Seen - And What It Nearly Cost Me
For years, I made myself small. As a counsellor and EMDR therapist, I knew I had valuable work to offer - but fear of being seen kept me invisible. If you're struggling with low confidence, imposter syndrome, or the paralysis of not knowing how to show up as yourself, this is for you.
I had a story that could help people, but I didn't tell it. I had expertise worth sharing, but I hid behind "professionalism" and told myself it wasn't appropriate to be so honest.
The reality was, I was scared.
Scared of judgment, scared of being too much, that I'd be too vulnerable - “the internet is forever” after all! I was scared that if people really saw who Lesley was, they would smirk, laugh, roll their eyes that I was even ‘out there’.
I was so worried about what they would think of me -
‘Who did she think she was?’
‘She looks so stupid.’
‘Wow, I feel embarrassed for her.’
Eurgh! I can still feel that stomach-churning embarrassment just thinking about it!
So I decided in all of my wisdom that it'd be best just to stay small, and hide myself away.
And it nearly cost me everything.
MY STORY
I remember being SO damn proud of myself for becoming qualified as a counsellor, I didn't really see myself as academic, and this was going to be the start of a whole new life, helping others, hopefully setting them on a different course, while at the same time, loving what I did.
That daydream was short-lived. It's not their fault, but I heard my tutors' voices in my head about how difficult it was as a counsellor, to be successful, to make a living from it etc. But, being the determined and tenacious soul I was, I set out to prove them wrong!
Looking back now at that fire I had, yet also seeing clearly the limitations that I held inside, makes me want to go back and hug myself tightly.
My first ‘stumbling block’ (I say this because I didn't see it back then) was the naming of my business. I already had all of the childhood doubters voices coming into my head, and the shame of that helped me create my business name using my initials. I clearly remember thinking ‘I don't want to be seen’.... I can't believe that was the story I told myself! Oh if only that version of me knew what this version knows!
So I literally spent years hiding my business. I built everything, created a website, social media page, several in fact! I tried daily videos on tiktok (those didn't go down well with my nervous system!) a podcast and I even started a youtube channel. 8 videos in and I froze, I couldn't move. I call it burnout but while it felt similar, it was different. Most likely profound shame that yes, in fact, I WAS a failure!
I'd be selective of where I was going to share my business, I'd feel my face go red and the shame literally wash over me JUST for replying to a post or sharing my information.
So, now I had a website no one saw. Services I barely promoted. A Facebook page I was terrified to post on - I'd manage two posts a week for two weeks, then disappear for months - and too ashamed to seek help. Looping that shame cycle again of trying and failing. Can you imagine what that does to your self-esteem?
I told myself I was waiting to be ready. Waiting for the perfect moment. Waiting to feel confident.
But this wasn't the safety I wanted. It wasn't working. Instead it was keeping me broke, invisible, and resentful. And further damaging my already fragile confidence and self worth.
WHY WE HIDE: The Real Cost of Playing Small
At its core, it's about protection - makes sense, doesn't it.
We don’t hide because “actually, we aren't worthy after all” (we are).
We hide because at some point in our life it felt safer to do that.
So many of us learned very early that being fully seen could hurt. Memories of being laughed at when we had dreams, being told we couldn't reach this or achieve that. Then being made to feel ashamed if we were being ‘too sensitive’ and left to feel not good enough.
Maybe we didn't hear these directly, but watched someone else get judged, shamed, or rejected - and our little nervous system quietly decided it'd be safer not to stand out or take a risk.
So we learned to dim our lights, made ourselves smaller, quieter, so we could blend into the background.
We chose safety over growth.
We hid our light behind professionalism, behind initials, behind “I’m not ready yet”, behind waiting for the perfect moment.
And for a while, it worked. It protected us.
But I found that the protection came at a cost.
When we hide who we are:
We stop trusting our own voice.
We second-guess every idea, every post, every offer.
We feel invisible - even when we’re desperate to be seen.
We end up feeling resentful, stuck, and somehow still not safe!
And not just professionally, but to ourselves:
Our confidence erodes a little more each time we shrink.
It confirms our underlying belief that we’re not good enough.
We continue in the cycle of low self-worth, lack of trust in our decisions and deepening the disconnection from who we really are.
The very thing we were trying to avoid - feeling small, unworthy, ashamed - ends up happening anyway.
We fall deeper into the trap of our beliefs, and hiding doesn’t actually keep us safe in the long run.
And now for the GOOD news.
Once we can see this clearly (without judging ourselves for it), we can start to choose differently, by gently turning towards ourselves with the same kindness we’d give someone we love.
That’s where the real change begins, rebuilding the relationship with ourselves so that being seen stops feeling dangerous.
THE SHIFT: How I Rebuilt My Self-Trust and Started Showing Up
What changed for me was realising I couldn't keep doing this.
Hiding wasn't just affecting my work or my business - it seeped into everything. In all of my relationships and how I related to myself and others. How I stuck on a smile while facing yet another "no thank you," seeing my posts with zero engagement, wondering if anyone was even watching/reading.
When I finally understood that it was my identity - my self-concept - running the show, I KNEW I wasn't going to spend the next 50 years (God willing!) living HALF a life.
So I got to work.
I started learning to become my own best friend. Not through more insight or understanding - I knew the ‘what’ and the ‘why’, I just didn't know the HOW yet. That’s when I started using what I now call The 3 Practices - simple daily actions that helped me build compassion for myself, which gave me the courage to step up even when I was scared.
The 3 Practices are gentle, repeatable ways of turning towards yourself with awareness, kindness, and forgiveness.
And once I got to grips with this, things started changing fast.
Opportunities appeared. But more importantly, I felt brave enough to say yes OR no to them. I felt determined to succeed. I felt pushed - knees knocking and heart pounding for sure - but doing it anyway.
And the most important part:
When things didn't go as expected, I no longer felt the shame.
That's how I knew something fundamental had changed.
I was different.
If this resonates - if you're ready to stop hiding, rebuild that self-trust and shine your light - the full free guide is right here.
Download The 3 Practices Workbook now: https://lesleynancetherapy.co.uk/resources-blogs
It's 9 pages of simple daily ways of being, and gentle journal prompts to start practising today.
And if you'd like to talk about your own journey, book a free 15-minute chat: https://lesleynancetherapy.co.uk/
You're not alone in this - I'm here when you're ready. 💛